wearyruler:

thekingdomofben:

I don’t claim to understand girls but I’m fairly sure they’re all up to something and need to be stopped

This is the Republican party platform.

BEWARE: smoking weed can have dangerous side effects, such as never shutting the fuck up about the fact you smoke weed

izzielosthermind:

stabla:

if you think your family is dysfunctional remember that zeus got a woman pregnant but she burned to death so he rescued the fetus from her ashes and sewed it into his thigh and gave birth to it himself and that fetus is now the god of wine and sexual deviancy god bless

My great aunt stabbed her husband in the stomach on their anniversary and he decided not to divorce her because he didn’t want a custody battle over the goats.

dialupmodem:

is it hot in here or am i just satan 

otterparade:

cityofbadass:

Do you ever wonder about how an author would describe you in a novel? Not only your appearance but the way you talk and laugh and hold yourself and all the expressions on your face?

“And then there’s this asshole”

worcaholics:

next time someone gives u a compliment and u don’t know how to react just be like “thx its always nice to hear from the fans”